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Thursday, 12 February 2009

  • Stars

    in the end
    everything is planned
    worked out
    in the end we all
    turn away with stars in our eyes
    with smiles on faces



  • Sinking In

    I hate taking out the trash in the winter. So I let it pile up and end up taking about 10 different sizes of bags out at once, looking like a complete moron.

    My key to my mailbox barely works. I stand in the rain wrestling with it, just because I want to see what junk mail I got.

    Lately my hot water has stopped working after about 5 minutes in the shower. Thus, I rarely shave my legs.

    I've begun drinking straight from the jugs more and more often. It appears living along makes you devoid of manners. Although I will say, I warn friends who come over which of said jugs have been abused.

    Winter is by far the worst time of the year for me.

    I go stir crazy approximately every day of my life right now.

    When I sit at my computer, my cats are almost always standing in front of my screen and I type away without seeing anything that I'm doing. Somehow, I usually manage accuracy.

    I am in a constant state of feeling that I need to break free from something.

    I hate making coffee, but I love drinking it. Just the whole, getting out those messy grounds and measuring things annoys me.

    I could file for sexual harassment at work and win, only because of how dirty everyone talks there every day.

    When my vacuum fills up, I go sometimes weeks without doing anything about it. I HATE emptying that thing.

    I would rather do volunteer work 24/7 than work a real job. But unfortunately, I need money to survive.

    If I see a spider, it will probably make me cry and go into a full fledged anxiety attack.

    I have a horrible attitude most of the time, and it disgusts me.

    I am currently sitting in the messiest room I have ever created. The boxes don't create any form of organization. They look like anthills, ready to crumble. Makes me want to step on them and watch the dirt disappear.

    In the full 2 weeks that I have had some of my things packed in those boxes, I have not once needed them. When I unpack those things, I'm going to think twice before keeping it.

    I hate tradition, and have many times done something simply to be UNtraditional. I think it blinds people.

    I love to write, but my mind is to full right now to do it.

    I love to sing. Anytime. All the Time. Anywhere. Except right at this second, I am not singing.
    And the music plays on.......
    ....................
    ..................
    .............
    ........
    ....
    ..
    .





Tuesday, 10 February 2009

  • Fight the Club

    "The first rule of Fight Club is: You do not talk about Fight Club."
    "The second rule of Fight Club is: You DO NOT talk about Fight Club!"
    "The third rule of Fight Club is: If this is your first night at Fight Club: You have to fight."
     
    "We work jobs we hate, to buy shit we don't need"
     
    "I'd look through magazines and ask myself, 'What dining set defines me as a person?'"
     
    "What do you want to do before you die?"
     
    Sometimes a movie can explain our thoughts better than we can ourselves.
    You've read my thoughts on corruption in this world. But I've watched this movie a few times now.
    First, Brad Pitt and Edward Norton are awesome. Secondly, its message.
    It's about being released. Released from the time and space continuum of being controlled by your "things". If you blow up all the credit card companies, everyone goes back to zero. Ground zero. Starting over is something everyone has thought about, but are to afraid to execute.
    The truth is, we all are. We are spoiled American Children, throwing temper tantrums when things don't go our way. We never really grow up. We fall asleep like babies, cuddling our precious materials close to us in our dreams, never willing to wake up entirely.
    It's all about balance. But if we can't balance, I think there is really only one choice to make. Dip over the side of the fence that you are afraid of the most.
     
    "I stared into their condescending faces and thought,
    'yes these scars are from fighting'.
    'yes I'm comfortable with that'.
    'I am enlightened.'"

Tuesday, 02 December 2008

  • That GOD, This GOD

    If you have ever read through the Bible, or even certain parts of both the Old and New Testament, you would agree that there are some obvious differences. But I'm only thinking about one right now.
    That is, the difference in God. From what I have come to understand of God, Himself-He is to be an unchanging, immovable force that loves and gives mercy as He sees fit. He punishes and shows wrath as He sees fit as well. We truly are pawns in this game of life when considering His power.
    I've watched The Prince of Egypt again recently. If you aren't familiar with the film, it is an adaptation of the story of Moses coming to Egypt and working as God's messenger to deliver the Israelites from slavery under Pharaoh's rule. I remember seeing it in the theater when I was much younger, and I was astounded by God's power and His awesomeness at saving the Israelites. But this time, I barely noticed that. Actually, it seemed like kind of the side story in my mind.
    I found myself questioning the morality of making the innocent Egyptians suffer for all of this. When Pharaoh said "No" to Moses, God sent plagues to all the people under Pharaoh's power, excluding the Israelites. (And, also-in the Bible it says that God "hardened Pharaoh's heart". So He made sure these things happened and it wasn't just an easy thing?) These plagues ranged from unseemly amounts of insects infesting everything, to all the water turning into blood, and finally-the first born of every family being killed by the Angel of the Lord. But...in the beginning of the story, Moses is alive only because his mother sent him in a basket on the river because Pharaoh was on a killing spree...killing all the babies...
    So...God did that back to him? Doesn't that go against everything we are taught to be as Christians?

    So wait...what's the moral of the story??
    Not to mention, as soon as the Israelites were set free-it didn't take many years until they decided God wasn't good enough for them anymore and the CONTINUALLY turned away from Him, worshiping other gods and disgracing their very title as "the chosen people of God."
    And ANOTHER thing! Take Moses here-this guy is kind of a whiner in the beginning saying he can't do this...and all that crap. Well once God convinces him, he faithfully serves Him during this whole process and leads the Israelites through the desert for years and years. He is ultimately to lead them to the "promise land"-this place God promises they get to go once they figure out that they really should be serving God.  So at one point, God tells Moses, "talk to this rock and tell it to give you guys water" but Moses is like, "arg, I'm so frustrated I'm gonna just smack it", so he does that instead. Hits the rock with a stick. And God says, well that's it for you. You don't get to go to the promise land. So Moses dies before he sees the place he served God his entire life to get to.
    Makes me think...well dang. That's scary. So you can serve God with all your heart, screw up once, "hit a rock", and that's it?

    And this is not the only time. Continually, in the Old Testament, God is shown as an angry, jealous, very powerful, and practically murderous God. Not the kind of God I was taught about as a child!

    And why is that? Because the New Testament is totally different.

    God is love, God is mercy, grace, forgiveness, sacrifice.

    That is the God I came to understand and know personally. But...it's really the same God. Why is it so different? How can that even be possible? I want to know WHY the difference happened.
    In the New Testament, God sent His Son, Jesus to die for every person who would ever live, so that they have a chance to go to heaven. He has no more murderous rampages, and instead, His Son comes to Earth and heals people, forgives them of all of their sins, and raises them from the very dead.
    He loves so much you can't stand it. He gives you more than you deserve. And in your prayers He holds you close, breathes encouragement into your soul. There is no turning away from a God with such love for human kind-for every single person individually. Well, people do. But I myself am drawn to that kind of love. And I have experienced it in my own life, I can attest to it's power.

    But...what about the Egyptians?
    I don't understand how the same God who's presence kept me sane for years of my life, just by existing, could kill all those people..in what seems like..cold blood?

    I know people don't even believe in God, but I do. I believe He is full of love, and wants only what is best for all of us at this point. It's the faith, you just have to have I guess. Answers sometimes are not given I suppose. And I hardly think God has to justify Himself to me at all. I believe questioning God's motives and His deeds is not a bad thing. I believe it helps our faith. And I have never had a problem with faith. I have always found it very easy to believe in God-because I felt like I knew Him very well, in a personal way. But someday I hope to fully understand. Because my fragile human mind can't take it this way.



Monday, 03 November 2008

  • Why-O-Why

    I was raised in a republican home. Both of them, that is. My school was full of conservative Christians that felt it was a sin to vote for anyone who supported pro-choice. I believed it was my civic duty to join in the making fun of-and all around disliking anyone who claimed they were a democrat, and would vote as such.
    I have a lot of beliefs now. And most are drastically different from what they were when I kept my mind in the small box of un-reality that I was sure I belonged in.
    I believe that it is wrong to vote without knowledge about each candidate. I believe the people who vote per party only are blind. I believe abortion is disgusting, and wrong. And I believe that my democratic stance, and voting for Obama this year; is right.
     
    First question I know that comes up. How can you, with your belief about abortion-vote for someone who is pro-choice? Let me tell you...remember back in middle school when we learned about prohibition, and that when the government made alcohol illegal, it became a worse issue than it originally was? People will not stop doing something because it is outlawed. It's just pure truth.
     
    What WILL they do then? Imagine a 15 year old girl who is pregnant. She is poor. She has no job, and her family would not support her in any way to have a child at this age. Her boyfriend has left her. And abortion is illegal. Guess what she does? She finds a place, some back-alley clinic with dirty instruments and high prices that say they will take care of it. She does it in an unsafe environment and can even contract a disease or who knows what as she gets the procedure done.
    Now, first of all-her situation suggests that she cannot raise a child at this time. But does she know that she can put the child up for adoption? No! Maybe she "knows" about it, but she has no idea HOW to do it, or WHO to talk to. She does this because she believes it is her only choice. She is ignorant, and uneducated in the ways of adoption. If she HAD known that information, what would she have done? Called someone, and arranged to meet a young couple who cannot have children. And guess what? She would be able to live her life, after bringing a child into the world for this couple to enjoy. Everybody wins.
    McCain wants to outlaw abortion. Obama wants to support groups of planned parenting and adoption understanding all around the world, so it is better understood and easier to obtain information on.
    Now, who sounds like a better choice?
     
    Other issues..homosexual marriage. Seriously, people are dying from starvation and you want to vote based on who says who can get married?  Bigger picture......!!!
    that's all I have to say for that one.
     
    It really all comes down to this-we have to fight for the core of the problems. And I believe Obama is really doing that. He wants to break down walls by communicating with the people. Seems like a logical choice to me. As for the taxes...there are parts of me that argue both ways.
     
    In one way, I think people deserve to have the money that they worked hard to get. If they have an over-abundance it is (usually) because they worked their whole lives to get it. But then there is the other part that is saying...people are dying. Can't we be a little less selfish? And if we are looking at this from a Christian stand point, none of it is OURS anyway! How dare we think that we DESERVE anything! We are rotten sinners!
     
    In Jewish culture- do you know what the year of Jubilee is? (Keep in mind, the Jews are God's chosen people, and they were told by God that this was the ordained way to do things). Every 50 years the Jewish people would sell all of their things and evenly distribute it among the community. All people who had sold themselves into slavery would be set free. All land that had to be sold would be returned to it's original owner. That way there would be no poor people. Nobody would have a big edge on any other person. And if a family was going through a hard time, everyone would contribute to helping them, because if the roles were switched, that family would do the same thing for anyone else. No starving people, no poor. Sounds great to me.
     
    Something about poor people...I think that the media and corporations have really warped the minds of people like us. They tell us that all those people on welfare who are sucking away are money are lazy sons of you-know-whats who just want hand outs and don't care at all and are just sitting at home watching tv.
     
    This is so wrong! Okay, there ARE people like that. I know that! But do you know why they are like that? Because their parents were. And their parent's parents were. And why is that?
     
    Here's how I see it happening. Lets go back to that woman who is pregnant. Some 15 year old is pregnant and thinks "I don't want to have an abortion, I want to keep my baby." She has no job and her family says, "get out, ya slut." (Which is a whole OTHER problem, but I'll leave that be).
    So this girl says alright, I have to get a job so I can have my baby and raise it. She drops out of school because she can't do both things at once. She works her butt off and has her baby. And still has no money. She has to live off of welfare now because she can't even afford to send her baby to a day care and work at the same time because the day care is to expensive. What is she really supposed to do other than that?
     
    So her baby grows up and says, "well my mom had to work for a living so I do too." This baby, now a high school student, drops out of school to help his mother make money because the welfare isn't paying enough. He has no diploma, and no time to get one, and has a minimum paying job because that's all he can get. He gets his girlfriend pregnant because he was never told not to have sex. His girlfriend doesn't want to have an abortion and decides to quit school so she can get a job and save up some money.
    So she is working a McDonalds and he is working at Burger King. He is still trying to help keep his mother afloat, now along with his girlfriend, and he still needs to get help from welfare for his mother. He doesn't have time to go back to high school because he is working 12 hours every day to make ends ALMOST meet!
     
    Do you see how the cycle goes?! Think about what could happen if they got some money from some rich person who was living comfortably(or more than that) in their 4 story house with 5 tvs. The son could go to school and his mother could maybe take some classes herself. His girlfriend could go back to school until she has the baby. He would graduate high school and go to college, get a good solid job and support his new wife and baby and offer a room in his house for his mother.
     
    The argument for that would be he COULD take the money and go to a bar. And yes, he could. But WHY would he do that? Because he has been living on his last string for so long he doesn't know how to get out of the hole. Extra money has to mean having a good time, because that's all he knows. Working his butt off or drinking booze. Why? Because he is ignorant as to how he can be better than that. He has never had time to think about what he really wants to be. And we miss out on one more contributor to society because we don't think he is worth it.
    A sad, sad story I think.
    Keep in mind it's only an example-so I'm not saying this is the story for everyone.
     
    To finally wrap this up-(sorry it's so long) I'm just going to say; I really don't want to fight about this. After all it's only an opinion. I'm not saying my way is the right way. But it's what I believe in. I believe in equality. In communication, and in education. In opportunities for everyone.
     

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AndiSb07

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    • Name: Andrea
    • Birthday: 4/10/1989
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  • A little about me....I am a Christian women.I am 19. I work at Geisinger. I am engaged to be married on June 13,2009 to my fiance, Steve. I live in an apartment alone with my cats Mizuki, Aeris, and Tifa. To see more, go to my complete profile.

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